the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
