One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
