that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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