mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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