Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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