Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were trust falling into bushes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
