"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
