The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
