i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize