i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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