mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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