I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i need some magic done to my vagina
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
