I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
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crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
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I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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