He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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