It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
