i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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