I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
