Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
there's paper in my vomit.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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