Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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