I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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