I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
