She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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