Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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