i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
