i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
