I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
