Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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