is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
