Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
This baby is an asshole
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
