3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
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God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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