So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
