How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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