you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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