I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
