Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
