I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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