I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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