There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
