pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
