Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
