I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
