he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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