Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
