I accidentally had phone sex last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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