My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
