you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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