I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
