Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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