he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he shaved USA in his pubs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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