In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
