Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
