when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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