Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
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I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
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Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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