Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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