dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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