what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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