we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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