i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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