she looked like the before picture.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
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The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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