Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
