She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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