wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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