They should really pass out barf bags in church
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
