there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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