I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
